Although youre trying not to listen, i bet your eyes are staring at the ground.

Con mis enfermedades del infierno y mis circumstancias miserables, estoy a punto de darme por vencida. Aunque estoy mas que segura que eso no les significa nada a ustedes ni les importa, por ese caso. Y entonces me pregunto, cual es el pinche chiste en tratar de ser amistable? No lo entiendo. Todos estan esperando el dia en que me rinda, y sabes que? NO VAS A VIVIR A VER ESE DIA. Porque yo ya no vivo para ti, ni para ningun maricon miserable que mendinga atencion y amor y fama, YO NO NECESITO A NADIE. Y si se tardan mis enfermedades un ciglo para desaparecer, yo siguere viva y contenta. Es mas grande el que vive en mi que el que vive en el mundo. Soy tan extrana y rara porque yo no soy de aqui y no me da miedo pasar los caminos de la vida sola.

Dasss Wasssup :)

MARCH MADNESS IS FINALLY OVER!!!! And the Aztec dance for International Week came out delishhhh, I won Ms. International both assemblies :) But what I'm really psyched about is... being healthy. I feel like I have a chance. I just might.

Today, I Died.

And was reborn in Jesus Christ :) Suddenly, everything else seems so unimportant and I have no need for anything or anyone.

So we do not give up. Our physical andy is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new every day. We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than these troubles.
2 Corinthians 4:16&17

Gozando Lambada

I CAN'T HELP BUT BE OPPRESSIVE AND PESSIMISTIC! Junior year is not what I expected and as of RIGHT NOW, I can't wait to get the fuck out of high school. My last day of my senior year I'll bet you anything that I'm going to cry like a creep that beat her baby to death. Wait... Well I couldn't think of anything else!

I feel like I'm losing you Alberto! And I feel like you can see it too and you're totally fine with it holy shit so depressing :( My glass isn't half full nor half empty. THERE IS NO GLASS TO BEGIN WITH.

Scumbags and Sweethearts

I am happy to announce, to whoever remembers this exists, that I have found the people that matter. I thought I could count them in one hand but it turns out that I don't even need the entire hand. I'm so happy, I really just don't need you anymore :)

Yesterday was yet another talent show that I participated in haha :) Like with most current things that I do, I would have enjoyed it so much more if my health would match my excitement for things. Nonetheless, it was very fun to be out there in front of an audience, and even though my comedy didn't win, I honestly just wanted to do it to put on a good show. People need to laugh! Plus you're so much more attractive when you laugh, it's delishh to my heart :D I love to please the crowd and put on a well-rounded show and I feel satisfied in that aspect. I'm looking forward to all my upcoming activities, especially in representing my pride and joy of a country in International Week by performing an indigenous Aztec celebratory ritual. Oh, and the fact that I'm princess, that's always a self-esteem lifter. I feel like I do a good job representing the Latino community, If I do say so myself.

A lot less depressed, wouldn't you say? I finally have someone there for me and I don't need anything else but to get baptized in Christ and my heart will stop suffering so much :) If it was a burden for you to be there for me, don't you worry about it. I don't need nor like you anymore.

The Serpent Soul Pincher.

Sometimes I feel I should be sitting on a throne being praised and recognized and adored. And at that same instant I feel my flesh should be burning away in hell along with everything that I know. And while I'm feeling I belong in hell I can feel God pulling me upwards showing me what I have to do to go with him and be saved. My feet are planted on the floor with the roots stronger than that of a tree's, and my arms are being tugged at and pulled as if a force is pulling me upwards. I'm stuck. It hurts. And on top of that, people expect me to do things for them, they assume that because I can hide myself from them that nothing is wrong. I lie a lot. I hate you so much. But I can see right through you and I hate you and want to pick out your eyes with my fingers and the exact same time I love you and want to pray for you and want you to kill me instead. But since my cries of help are heard faintly and ignored, I can see again and again how you reject me. And suddenly I see where I want to be and why the hell you mean so much to me. It's hard to let go of you but I can't stand your slaps at my face anymore.

I feel as if I have strings attached to my hands and am being dragged through a path that only those born to be unfortunate can trespass. And the woman who moves me around like a puppet is just sitting there, laughing and laughing at her creation.

Linda Ronstadt

Hay otro color mas negro quel color de mis pesares?

SI ESTAS CANSADO DE IR A LA ESCUEEELLLAAA,
Y TIENES PROBLEMAS POR NO TENER CARTILLAAAA
OLVIDATE DE TODO POR UN MOMENTO Y QUE VIVA EL ROCK AND ROLL!

SI TIENES GANAS DE COMPRARTE ROPA NUEVAAA
Y NO PUEDES HACERLO POR FALTA DE DINEROOOO
OLVIDATE DE TODO POR UN MOMENTO Y QUE VIVA EL ROCK & ROLL!!

Que chinguen sus putas madres y que viva El Tri cabrones!

My Idea of Fun is Killing Everyone.

I'm taking baby steps towards getting better. Hence, BABY STEPS. But at least its something! I thank the good Lord that he has blessed me with such charisma and optimism, I've been told that someone else in my position would have already committed suicide. Sadly, only the recognition keeps me going, so I must be selfish as hell.

God bless you all!

One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure

Morgan moves back to the familiar charms of his fiery days when he still felt something. No longer. Morgan's like a slave. Three feet of paper and a family of four. Morgan wonders why his wife is so slow. Blames his wife for his slow love. He shakes his head in dissapointment as he climbs into bed. Grits his teeth as he moves between the sheets. Morgan feels like a sudden insane laughter when he sees.
EXCELLENT!
He doesn't sleep much on account of a terrible pain in his head; sometimes he sits up in the loft late at night reading from a book of children stories.
Now listen! Well I'm not trying to question your decision. In my opinion you've made an excellent choice! I don't want to put the doubt in your mind because in my head you're just one excellent choice!
Jaws no ordinary sucking harder, sagging eyelids and pocked cheeks. Intelligent, the television buzzes and crackles and preaches. Morgan feels like his family have made a conscious effort to cause him misery. His taste buds have deserted, sneaking away from his wife's cooking. Morgan dreads the family meal, clenching one hand under the table. The bland wall hangings nod at the food in recognition. They are far too familiar with one another. Morgan's work for minimum wage is no comfort whatsoever.
He thinks about the items that have sapped his money over the years: shoe polish, oven cleaner, vacuum bags, sugar substitute. A pathetic collection of unwanted gifts and dream-sapping commerce. Any creative reserves once stored are long gone. Morgan seethes at the realization he has given his children too much of the little he has. Morgan wishes his family dead.

Aww! Well listen, now I'm not trying to alter your opinion. I'm so happy that you've finally found your voice! I don't want to put the doubt in your mind because in my head you're just an excellent choice.
Lacking imagination, and full of despair, Morgan turns tail and leaves without a word.
The door shuts compliantly as he moves outside. Morgan crunches down the path with regular, driven feet, pushing through the grey clouds escaping his mouth. Approaching the train tracks, he sighs, lays flat across the line, and shuts his eyes.
Well done, sir! Well done, sir! WELL DONE!

I figured that after a couple years of sob stories, cheesy jokes and limitless exaggeration, you'd all get tired of reading my damn stupid fatherfucking blog. It wasn't enough? As it turns out, my ratings are only suspiciously high when I blog about life's depressions and the many whips to the back that I receive from trying to get by. So there you go, an exclusive look into the literary mind of Alicia Flores. We all need some sort of escapism!

Spiffy.

Nobody knows who Lon Chaney is.

As you all know (and if you don't know me well, now you know), every three to five weekends or so I have to have a day to myself in which I indulge into the creepy world of old horror films. I'll sit there in my jammies, most likely all day, with a big bowl of fruit and bags under my beautiful green eyes the size of Alabama staring at the television screen in awe of man's imagination of the paranormal. Today was supposed to be that day, however the video store is rapidly running out of 1940's and back black and white films on dvd. If I had a VHS like all the cool kids do these days, I could enjoy life in the midst and realms of haunted mansions, mummies, Dracula and blood. However, I must sit on my stupid computer and watch all these films online. Damn it all. Since I'm not in the mood to look up anything I have to start progressing to the 1950's era of colored films. NOOOOO! :( (Reference to Alberto: "I've seen it all!")

Aquimamatcayoti (stubborness)

My views of your views. If you were into rock music at one point in your life, you've most likely experienced harassment from hardcore fans who would constantly get on your ass about being a "poser". Let's say you hear a song on the radio once and you like it, you download that song on your iPod and you go crazy singing it 24/7. A fan of that particular song (see, this only works if the song is under any rock genre) will ask you if you know who the artist is and you'll respond. Then, they nail you down about the complete history of that artist and songs from a billion years ago and songs that aren't necessarily popular. You obviously look like a total douche standing there with your WTF face and now you're known as a poser. MORAL OF THE STORY, DON'T CALL YOURSELF A FAN IF YOU'RE NOT REALLY INTO IT OR ELSE HARDCORE FANS WILL SPIT AT YOU AND LABEL YOU.

Although that wasn't the point of the story, it brings me to the point. Today I was talking to my handsomely scrumptious delicacy from above, otherwise known as Alberto Paredes, and he told me I was emo and possessed by demons because I didn't like his "happy music". He loves overplayed pop music that lacks any real meaning or thought. He insinuates that happy music is only music that makes you tap your foot and want to sing along like a little brainwashed idiot. He told me that a "good" rhythmic acoustic guitar and a steady beat changes his mood for the better. Then we had a cute little quarrel about the meaning of music (which wasn't much of a quarrel, it was degrading each other's music taste) and I came to realize that you, my dear Alberto, are just one of those happy-go-lucky-there-is-no-true-meaning-of-life kind of people. I like to go deep into the problem and resolve it, and 99% of the time it works for me. You're one of those people that prefer the simple band-aid that only covers cuts instead of the good ol' hydrogen peroxide that completely heals. That's my conclusion about our differences in music taste (excluding the oldies but goodies that we can't get enough of).
A song that has a relaxing beat to it and a singer that sings like everyone else out there is your definition of a happy song. Mine is the one consisting of a real meaning in lyrics, not one of the artist whose producer wrote the song for them like all pop artists, but one of the beat up soul who writes his songs in the back of an old van or behind a dumpster. The band whose singer is shitty because he has a drug problem; the one that noone helped and had a troubled childhood. The song with lyrics that tell the story of my life. The rhythm that to many expresses anger and demonetization, but to me expresses relief. In the end, to each his own, but as of now, let me understand your perception and don't lie to me if I got it right.
I find happiness in a well written rock song with the heavy guitar riffs, delicious bass licks, thunder-like drums beats and a voice that tells the truth instead of selling you the story of the Littlest Elf who lived happily ever after. The reason why I cringe at your "happy songs" is merely because I've honestly heard it before. I cringe because they're the "artists" who "become" "musicians" just to make money, win false pride and take home fancy trophies. I don't know, that's the way I look at it.

AND DON'T THINK I'M EMO CAUSE I LIKE A GOOD HEAVY SONG, I just happen to find the meaning in it that you obviously don't see.

Calm Like You

I finally got around to the things I've wanted to do for a while. Like finishing that short story I began in the summer (which turned out marvelously delishh), re-arranging my room and walking my dog for 3 hours. Yep, 3 hours. I also began to make my costume for International Week, I'm practicing my Nahuatl so I can talk to my grandmummy dear on Monday (it's her 93rd birthday!) and I have traded my depression for a strange, yet beautiful newly found serenity. I've been really quiet today and it feels nice. Silence is now my friend, not the eerie vibes I used to get.

My stories aren't as good as they used to be. While cleaning my room, I came across an old notebook of mine from 7th grade. DAMN. Now THAT'S how you write scary stories! I remember how my mind used to work; it was always about imagination and exaggeration. It was about making dull reality into extraordinary situations, deep life meanings and self reflexion. It's safe to say that I got back in touch with the creatively naive Alicia from a while back. Yayyyy for re-finding yourself!

I'm going to stop beating myself up for a little bit. Just for a little while. There isn't one person, NOT ONE, that has guided me, consoled me through these tough times or even cared to listen to what I really want to say. Nobody has been there for me, no one has tried to even lift a finger or to give me a useless word of advice at the very least. I know when you're trying to help and I have seen no effort FROM ANYONE. Nobody knows how to differentiate the solemn tones in my voice, nobody knows me well enough to know that something is wrong. I have to reveal my vulnerable side for anyone to even notice, I have to show physical distraught for people to take the time of day and say, "Oh shit you're crying, there must be something wrong." Fuck you.
Maybe it's my fault for not asking for help. Maybe it's my fault because I rely too much on self absorbed people who would totally show up at my funeral just to show up, maybe a cry a little and totally miss the point of my existence. Maybe my problems are a little too extreme and not just anyone can help me get through. A simple gesture of comfort would suffice. It would be nice for someone to lend me their shoulder to cry on. Thanks nobody, I appreciate you.
The Lord spoke to me tonight at church and made me realize that only he is to be trusted. He knows I was THIS close to giving up and picked me up off the floor while the rest of you were busy kicking me when I was down. He made me feel so valuable and gave me the abundant love that I have wasted on you. I forgive you. In all seriousness, I really do forgive you. You're ignorant and stupid but most of all, inexperienced, therefore I have to let go of my anger towards you, be the bigger person and move on. Life continues, things get better and worse, but God will never give you anything you can't handle. If you're living the luxurious life it's because you wouldn't last a day in mine. And if you're livin' like me, don't give up. There are so many things out there that God has prepared just for you.

*If you think this refers to you, it totally does. It refers to all animals known as human beings that consider themselves as my friends, acquaintances, or have ever spoken to me. Nobody escapes.

Bambina Italiane.

When there ain't no bloggin' for a few days, it means it's emo central at chez moi (my house, for y'all non Frenchies.) No more emo shieet on this or any blog, Imma stick to this whole "Alicia should shut the fuck up for once" rule that has been working out marvelously. Delishh > Marvelous. DELICACIES ALWAYS WIN! My poopy Chanchito is losing his little baby teeth and he's been real crazy lately, but he still chews that Poopy Chow with his little bare gums like nobody's business. I've been very into real creepster shit lately. I was listening to my fave Marilyn Manson song lass night and I fell asleep with my iPod on. I have some real creepster 1940's music in there and a song called "Jack the Ripper" by Screaming Lord Sutch was playing while I slept. It kept repeating. My bed was warm when I woke up, if you know what I mean...

My dream consisted of a black and white movie in which I was an actress and I was acting alongside demonized loved ones whom I will not specify. My only line was "I want some simple...blood" exactly the way it's said in the Koffin Kat's song "Mors Ex Supera". Actually, that was the name of the movie. Anyway, I'm going to end up profoundly confusing you if I continue with details, so basically the main point is that there were scary demons following me wherever I went and laughed menacingly and everything I said or did. I don't know about you, but that scared me shitless.

YAY FOR COMPLETELY PACKED SCHEDULES! I'm losing my friends D':
Fuck you, second semester.

beLIEve

Today, after nine years of my parents being together, I finally saw the light. It just never occurred to me that my parents are EXACT OPPOSITES. Yep... Just today, HOLY SHIT ALICIA FLAHHRSS, IT TAKES YOU NINE YEARS OF HELL TO REALIZE SHIT WHAT A DUMBASS.

From ages 1-8, my mother has implied (and forced) the importance of putting others before yourself. She always said that if you have two of something, give the other to someone who is in need of it, no matter who it is. She taught me to forgive others no matter what they say or do to you. She always told me that people have good intentions, but may not always make the best decisions. Repeatedly, she has shown me how good deeds pay off, how wicked people are the way they are because of their need of love, and the mysterious and delicious ways of God.

From ages 9-16, my father has always told me that there are no rules to life, rules were meant to be broken, and that no one can force you to do anything you don't want to. He's taught me the wicked ways of humanity, and most importantly, he has taught me that in the end, no one gives a shit about you so it's in your best interest to care for yourself. He's always said to put yourself first because it's you vs. the world every day.

Either way, you lose. You listen to my mother and you end up a misunderstood pushover with abundant love to give and no one to give it to. You listen to my father and you end up with nothing but your pride. I guess I understand their points of view if I base them off the way and where they were raised, but it's hard to pick a lifestyle to follow because there's no gray area to live comfortably in. Unfortunately, I have chosen to live by a little bit of both, and you can see for yourself how terribly that's working out for me. The best thing to do is to keep quiet and observant, which are two things I suck dick at.

P.S. You know how Mexicans use their mother's maiden name in their full name? (Hence the long ass last names.) I found out today (I saw a copy of her birth certificate) that my grandmother's maiden name is Xolotly. Too bad my great grandmother married a spanish man, we could've kept the Native American going AND I COULD HAVE GONE TO COLLEGE. Damn it all.

When you play with fire, you get burned. Except if you're an Aztec summoning spirits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_6LhIxKGvo

People Lie, Things Lay.

^ That might actually help you on a grammar test one day ;)

I've been compared to a lot of people lately and no one can get it right.
And I finally talked to Ben after 596743694 years.

benspantsrtight (6:04:31 PM): lisha i think it's time you get off the single train.
idkmybffaracely (6:04:40 PM): wtff
benspantsrtight (6:04:59 PM): im sure lots of guys chase your model ass around tryin to hook up ans shit
idkmybffaracely (6:05:16 PM): LOL! nooo, that's never really happened before actualy...
idkmybffaracely (6:05:19 PM): not like a mob of guys like you imagine
benspantsrtight (6:05:33 PM): yeah rightt. and if that REALLY is the case, maybe you should go man hunting on a weekend hahah
idkmybffaracely (6:05:46 PM): no thank you, I've got enough things to worry about
benspantsrtight (6:05:58 PM): im just saying it wouldn't hurt to date again. i know izzy broke you and shit but thats no reason to deny every guy that wants yuo to give him a chance
idkmybffaracely (6:06:26 PM): you say that as if i have guys eating out of my hands... I DON'T! Plus if you're insinuating that I put up a front because of Izzy, you're wrong.
benspantsrtight (6:06:59 PM): lisha your in total denial. you don't wanna start over with biys cuz you think they'll break your heart again. it been two years and you should get over him
benspantsrtight (6:07:08 PM): he's been over you since you were in the relationship.
idkmybffaracely (6:07:22 PM): ...you're gay. thanks for bringing up unpleasant memories.
benspantsrtight (6:07:38 PM): ok that sounded shitty but it's true. i care about you and you shouldnt deprive yourself of what you want.
idkmybffaracely (6:08:01 PM): I never said I wanted a boyfriend.
benspantsrtight (6:08:09 PM): that's cuz they want you!
idkmybffaracely (6:08:14 PM): you suck.
benspantsrtight (6:08:22 PM): and i also love you! <33
idkmybffaracely (6:08:45 PM): let's talk about something else.
benspantsrtight (6:09:04 PM): how's your dad? hahah you know i love that guy even though i never met him. it's just the way you describe him is so interesting. he's alike a superhero who fights against himself allt he time and tries tos how emotions but his own self wonnt let him you know?
benspantsrtight (6:10:13 PM): and his heart is made of stone, yet he sheds tears for his loved ones. then he had a beautiful daughter who had an impact on his life; the only woman to ever understand him and treated him with love and caring. he'd do anything to protect her when all along he's the one who hurts her the most.
benspantsrtight (6:12:54 PM): i should write a booka bout your dad as batman's emotional sidekick!
idkmybffaracely (6:13:27 PM): You're on drugs, Benjamin.
benspantsrtight (6:13:57 PM): yes, i got them from izzy lmfao!
idkmybffaracely (6:14:21 PM): LOL! yeah, my dad should give him a beating. Unas pinches nalgadas!
benspantsrtight (6:14:38 PM): hahahhaah! But seriously you should start dating again. you'd be happy to have someone be there for you and protect you for a change
benspantsrtight (6:14:52 PM): cuz usually you're the one thats there for everyone else and we never repay you. I LOVE AND WILL NEVER FORGET YOU MI LISHA!
idkmybffaracely (6:15:05 PM): Aww (: I loves you too bennn!

<3 Here I go again, exposing private thoughts and emotions >:( I wanted to share this because I figured that he and I both are right. And a lot of people asked me about going to formal and when I said yes they were like "OMGGG who asked you??" and then I was like, "umm, I'm going with a friend" and they were like "awww he likes you!" and then I broke their hearts and was like, "it's a girl." AND SHE JUST STOOD ME UP, but that don't mean I can't party. Heehee :)

LET'S LIGHTEN UP YOUR DAY WITH SOME LAUGHTER!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XeUHA5RiE4
LOVE ITTT. LOVE YOUUU.

<3

I remember the first time I saw this. I freaked out, then I fell in love :D




^^^The only thing that can make me squeal like a crazy little fangirl anymore. ^^^P.S. Joshua Von Grimm is STILL husband material; I loved him even further back than Gaspard Ulliel, who is an angel from the sexy heavens :) Creepy church organs in English rock bands FTW!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE <3333333333

Little Ms. Busybitchh...

It is time... for some blogging :)

Why is this year's water polo season so damn long and exhausting?! We played six games this past week and it was hellll for my poor effed up shoulders >:( But it's all coolbeans because my dad has recently stopped drinking water polo haterade and says he supports me if i wanna get beat up at every game in the set. Yayyyy Jesse Flower <3 (lawl). So he and my brother showed up at yesterday's tournament vs. the Santa Ana fatasses, hence, they only went to criticize, and I ddin't disappoint them. My brother bragged about me to his little soccer jock friends before their game today about my failed backhand shot. The one that failed. Anywayyy, enough about water polo, it's really not all that interesting.

OOOOHHHH before I forget; I went with my daddy-poo (wtf ewww) to pick up my mom from work and she works with a bunch of extra beaners from like Tlanalapa and Tulancingo and shiieet, (and I'm totally retarded and forgot that my dad told me to always ignore them) and I went in there like Ms. We Are the World and politely said hello to evryone. WELL, them nosy hoes were like "Ohhhh mah gaaaaahhhh Noemi's daughter blah blah blah..." and then this one guy whose name I can't pronounce when I'm in my white girl zone was like "Ohhh mahh gahhh you have such strong facial features oh mahhh gahhh you should be a model oh mah gahhh..." and the creep stares right into my face as if I had a plastic nose or something and I was reeeaaallllly uncomfortable and I kept making eye contact with my mom but she didn't seem to mind that the creep wouldn't stop staring at me. Then he was like "Ohhh mah gahhh LUPE! Come look!" and then this lady from like Peru or something comes and she HOLDS MY FLIPPIN FACE and she strokes my cheeks and shiiett and she's like "Noemi, tu hija tiene los rasgos de (some name that I was like WTFFF at)." So the creepy lady was referring to the little tiny hole beneath my right eye. When I was little, tears used to come out of it, even when I wasn't crying. BUT THAT WAS A LONG ASS TIMES AGO. Now it only happens like once or twice a year and I don't really pay attention to it beacuse it's closed now. It's like something to do with mother nature and "father sky" or some shit and when he sees what humanity does to her he gets pissed off and sends thunder that destroys people but mother nature is so kind that she cries about it. MAKES NO SENSE. I thought that might interest some people but don't pay attention to it, it's a bunch of bootleg.